Always know, my dear friend, that for now, I will treat you as my brother. Even though I “feel” that I “like” you, I also know, by learned experiences, that these are unreliable indicators for a possible relationship.
You see, as much as I would want/feel/dream/hope/pray for us to be in a relationship, unless it’s spearheaded by God and directly and surely heading for marriage, then I wouldn’t bother putting up with us or taking this to a higher level. Not anymore. I’m tired with that trying and experimenting in relationships. I’m tired of break-ups and broken relationships. Pondering about them, I seemed to have wasted bits of my self to the past guys who didn’t take me seriously.
Also, I’m tired of writing my own love story/ies because I screw it all over with my unwanted attitudes and high unreachable expectations. To be honest, I’m tired and ashamed of leading any guy on with my vague and ambiguous sweet messages. I’m tired of being flattered by any guy just for him to get my “heart”. All vanities.
But you see, I want you to know what I want. You know what I would ask for a man right now for him to be suitable for me?
I want him to pursue a relationship with the greatest Author of all love stories. I want him to grow holistically, first, in being him. I want him to be sure of himself, of who he is, of what he wants in life, of being him. I want him to be complete, without me. Yes, without me. I want him to be someone who is whole, not incomplete. And I do know, that no one, not even me, could complete anybody. I want him to be faithful in prayers, with his family, with his dreams and aspirations and most of all, with His walk with Jesus. I want him to be loyal to God and to the Scriptures, to his family and to his values. I want a man of character and please, not of facades.
I want you to fix up your acts ahead by praying for them or even by asking your brothers in your small group to pray for you and help you with that, and maybe, just maybe, if by God’s grace and in His time, we could talk about how God’s grace and love has been so abundant in our broken lives. I want you be passionate with Jesus so you can be like him, more and more, and because then and there, I wouldn’t need to worry about you having other idols like pornography, fornication, addictions and other things.
And these things I am requesting may take long. But here’s the deal, I just want us to trust in God’s timing and not in our “feelings”. I want us to be wise and be serious about relationships that can lead to marriage.
I just want our friendship (and maybe the next level of that) just be centered on a firm foundation what will not be shaken and would not easily crumble. I definitely desire our relationship to be based on Jesus.
Then maybe, he can pursue God first because I already surrendered all my heart’s desire in Him. Then maybe, he can pray and fast to God, before he can ask me to be his girlfriend.
So as for now, my dear friend,
I want to savor our friendship which is based on Jesus.