I feared. Now, I hunger.

Being a goal-driven person, I thought nothing could ever stop me. But twice in High School, I was offered to be the President of our Batch –even the President of the whole student body. Those were the days where opportunities were easy to snatch but I neglected them because I feared the position. I feared they won’t listen to me because of my gullible and naive persona. I overthought. Is there even such a word? I denied the offers because I believed there were others who I thought were better than me. And yet, thinking about it now, everybody under the PSHS system were equal that’s why there were no first and last sections.

Always and always, I sneaked at the back door during elections because I know I would win. But then, I would tell the others: “Please not me. Please, I am afraid.” Eventually, I would win, then, I would waver the position because I am a coward. I would then land on the Vice-President position because sure, you don’t really do anything unless the President dies or whatever less gruesome reason. I feared being the President because everybody in Pisay intimidated me. Some of the honor students pressured me to do this and that. And I am just not good in Politics. Never.

On my Sophomore year, I was the Speech Class President just because there were more girls than boys in that class. In that regime, I failed to present a presentable speech choir. Goodness. It was so traumatic when I tried to lead. Everything was in chaos. How can I be a good President when I can’t even handle this simple assignment? I though.

Back in my Junior High School, I gladly received the position of being a President of our batch,  However, I had this “Warning” Status because of a failing grade in Computer Science on my Sophomore Year. And so, my leadership was withdrawn. I wasn’t president anymore. Next, on my Senior experience, I was elected President again. But that was the time I wavered. I didn’t want the position.

That is why, I graduated a simple average Pisay student with no academic and extra-curricular awards. I was among those who danced during the showing of the Batch videos. I wondered if that was even necessary. That was my sweet defeat.

And now in college, I am already anchored in my positions. Socio-culturally and not politically, I am the incumbent President of my Regional Organization. Oh how I loved being in front of them, I don’t even study my agenda for any meeting. I just go ahead and confidently present to my colleagues the agenda I had in my mind. And, they go ahead and help me. Being the President of Leyte-Samar Sillimanites doesn’t mean I am higher than them. I was just given the position to facilitate the meetings and whatever endeavors we would like to pursue. Ah, now that’s what I am more capable of. I am their equal, not some higher authority. I love being with them. I knew I was meant to be the President because when I first joined this organization, I felt the Holy Spirit cast upon me saying that one day, I am going to handle this organization. 🙂

Blessed are the leaders who were once afraid but now who hungered for leadership. 🙂

Blessed are those who treat leadership as a privilege and not as a tool for domination.

Blessed are those who choose to lead in the awkward positions just for the purpose of service and sharing of talents. Blessed are those.

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